"feelin' like self-destruction tonight..."
it started simply -- a thoughtless jump. "i've done it before." but you can't win if neither side will give in. crashing waves of dissonance, rhythmic squeals of wood hitting metal. drink the devil's blood. numb throat and vague thoughts. something wasn't right this time. something lurked inside, waiting to spar with the starqueen. body below the waves, mind adrift in the maddening, silent gloom of the heavens. you're alone up there while your gate dilates. you've become a signalrod, receiving garbled transmissions. which of the imperatives are yours?
the starqueen hates you, delights in breaking you. you let her in, knowing this full well. a part of you is eager for the dance, a part of you recoils at her numbing, invasive touch. & yet as a moth to flame, you return again. the candle has become a pyre but your wings remain unchanged.
the starqueen, slick as the stellar oil she coats your eyes with; as deep as the tractless void of space you're banished to. she speaks with your tongue in a language you can't comprehend & rarely recall. strange ships made of flesh bump gently against what's left of your body, yearning to dock there. waging an inquisition into yourself... did you choose this, or did she?
eerie eddies... visions of your parents at your age, sitting, silent, in a room, watching as you ascend. other figures gather, faceless & grey, distant and ghostly: a failure congregation.
"never again." but the starqueen is patient. her pleasure comes, in part, from breaking your vows. "i've done it before." your voice or hers? she knows to sing the song of stone, to paint your eyes with blurs of warmth, to tease you with the possibility of the infinite journey. to leave you numbed yet in love with her personal poison. to never reveal the enigma.
(slightly modified from a prior version)
