changeable

seems like every day something about me changes. i'm a willow in the wind. it's maddening. people are supposed to have paths and walk on them and end up somewhere. not no-where. any-where. i've been dreaming, but it's been stupid, and disappointingly bland. real world anxieties barely twisted by the dream mind. i want the real world to fade away forever and leave behind its ghost, its weird underface, its impulses. some sort of echo of something that was concrete but now is ethereal. more ether than real. then, maybe, i can be less afraid.

circular

i was driving a car down a dirt road. i'd been down the road before. passed two kids, black-clad. the teenaged boy kept giving me horns. the first time i passed, i didn't stop. when i came around again, i pulled the car over after passing them.

two kids. the boy: "hey, my older sister's obsessed with you." something about Lord Of The Rings. i asked who she was, and he told me, but it didn't really make sense to me. the girl with him was quiet and shy. long hair. not the older sister. the boy left to clean the yard and i was alone with the girl. said i: "if you ever want to borrow some books, or music..." i wanted to give her an address to contact me. she produced paper. i tried to write my email down for her but i kept getting frustrated. either my letters would run into a dark area of the paper, obscuring them, or i would misspell my address. always an extra letter. wrote it down ten or eleven times, never correctly. the dream ended and i hadn't given her the correct contact. i don't expect i'll hear from them again.

nothing

there is a boy who can walk and talk at the same time and still not get anywhere

sleeper dreams

i learned tonight that Sleazy died, in his sleep, at 55. a great man, paired with a great man. one can only strive to emulate such greatness in ones own small way. ripple, ripple, the coil expands.